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| Adapted from Wikimedia Commons |
The 1st Century is little more than the unloved child of a loveless marriage that transforms its inferiority complex into a really vicious power trip (and all that before Napoleon). You see, contrary to what it would have you believe, it is not the first century of the world or even the first century humanity has existed, and were it not for its self-proclaimed prime status, it would be no different from any other century. Sure, Jesus was alive and the Roman Empire was beginning its grand ascent to world domination and blah-de-blah-de-blah, but the real point is that people in the 1st century were STUPID. Jesus was born in 5 BC, after all, which means that year 1 is not a recognition of the beginning of a new era, but a celebration of his 5th birthday, which only makes sense if you know that on Jesus' 5th birthday he learned how to parallel park like a pimp. Some might argue that the 1st century is getting a pretty bad rap in this segment, especially because it was not even named the 1st century until 525 AD, but if you naysayers look within yourself you will come to realize that such new revelations only strengthen the original argument, as the brainless, arrogant fools didn't even realize what century they lived in.
