What's your pitch?

I was on my way out of work today when I decided I was going to grab one of the doughnut holes that had been taunting me all day with its delicious, glaze-covered, jelly filled goodness. Not a minute after throwing the entire bite-sized morsel into my mouth, as any normal individual would, I saw my dental hygienist casually having a conversation with one of my coworkers after finishing her business. If that's not irony, then I don't know what is (seriously, if someone could explain irony to me that would be wonderful). To my relief, she didn't recognize me, and even if she had, probably wouldn't have known that I was eating pure solid cavity nectar. But in a world of competition where everyone has a motive and a pitch for why you should stick with them, why should the dentist have such a monopoly on the debate of what my mouth needs, when the delicious goods industry has such a compelling and mouth-watering counter-point?

A Brief History of the 1st Century

Adapted from Wikimedia Commons

The 1st Century is little more than the unloved child of a loveless marriage that transforms its inferiority complex into a really vicious power trip (and all that before Napoleon). You see, contrary to what it would have you believe, it is not the first century of the world or even the first century humanity has existed, and were it not for its self-proclaimed prime status, it would be no different from any other century. Sure, Jesus was alive and the Roman Empire was beginning its grand ascent to world domination and blah-de-blah-de-blah, but the real point is that people in the 1st century were STUPID. Jesus was born in 5 BC, after all, which means that year 1 is not a recognition of the beginning of a new era, but a celebration of his 5th birthday, which only makes sense if you know that on Jesus' 5th birthday he learned how to parallel park like a pimp. Some might argue that the 1st century is getting a pretty bad rap in this segment, especially because it was not even named the 1st century until 525 AD, but if you naysayers look within yourself you will come to realize that such new revelations only strengthen the original argument, as the brainless, arrogant fools didn't even realize what century they lived in.

The struggles of the format

Demi Spaghetti is not about lazy, uninspired, self-analyzing bullcrap, except of course when this author decides he's too lazy to do anything else. Besides, it needs to be said that the format of a picture and five sentences is a useful one, but very difficult to stick to. Because there are only three sentences left (two, if you discount this one that is being frivolously and strategically wasted right now), the complaining will be limited, but severe. You see, this author has no graphic ability whatsoever, and it becomes increasingly more difficult to find images that aren't infringing on someone's rights, exemplified perfectly by both my swap of one old radio for another, albeit cooler radio, in my previous post (the old one still exists in thumbnail form on our Facebook page), and by my experience trying to find a picture of someone who looks like a date rapist (the associated post isn't as bad as you think it is), even though I really wanted to just rip off the Huffington post and put a picture of Rich Lowry, some apparently important conservative who showed up on Google search. My general point is, that if you or someone you know is a photographer or artist, and can supply us with some photos, you will be recognized and given props, or be allowed remain anonymous, depending on how much you trust us not to fuck up your shit.

This week in TV land: Life without cable

In this country, we have a bone-deep belief in the constant, unfailing drumbeat of progress, and on occasion when this perception of reality is challenged, we are left curious and seeking answers. I've recently been challenged with the revelation that I no longer have constant access to television. Television traditionally has taken up only a small portion of my day and I think I'll probably be better off without it, and yet there's a part of me that misses the brain melting, culture subjugating engine of commerce that is the television, and that part of me feels a sense of apprehension at the idea of more time reading, writing, and hiking, all of which contain a notorious lack of ad-driven revenue. Then again, maybe I need to get over my phony definition of progress marked by the newest technologies we possess, and learn to value the gradual but marked steps forward we take as human beings in creating a more inclusive, acooperative and caring society. Or there's always this.